The Failure of Potential

I’m kinda wondering where the urge to succeed comes from. Either that or I’m just trying to justify mediocrity and being average, I can’t quite tell the difference. I’ve thought a lot about what I’m “supposed” to do in my life and in general, I’ve felt like if I was anything less than extraordinary by general standards then I was falling short of my potential.

I’ve come to view success as financial abundance, entrepreneurship, stress, time, and dedication to work. Some how I’ve come to view being average as a kind of failure… Is it truly a failure to be ok with working for someone else rather than building a business of my own? Is it a failure to not want to dedicate my like to work? Am I failing because I’m not doing what I love and getting paid for it?

Truth, I have to work so I can pay my bills and support myself. But if I look at the black and white of it all, that is. It isn’t any more than that… Some where along my life’s path I’ve picked up the belief that I failing if I’m not rich and have nice things… I’m starting to realize that the success I thought I wanted isn’t really what I want. I thought I wouldn’t be living up to my potential if wasn’t a top performer at work, if I wasn’t building a business, or making millions. I associated potential with money making potential… But I’m seeing differently now.

My potential is truly more artistic I think. I have music within me that I want to make but first I need to learn how to play the piano. Thats potential… I have photos I want to take, thats potential. I have art within me… What about all this potential? Why do I feel like if I pursued any of this I would be failing?

I suppose it’s all a matter of perspective. After all, who’s life am I living anyway? It’s my life so I can decide what success means for me… Ultimately I just want to be happy. But I find that with each passing day, the things that make me happy are fewer and harder to find. God knows I haven’t been doing much of any of it.